Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
You dont lie about slip and slides
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
