u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
