we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
