I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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