he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
