I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
how do flat chested girls get laid?
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
