margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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