My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
