Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
