i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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