The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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