My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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