She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Randomize
