if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
