wanna go halves on a baby?
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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