oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
