Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize