I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
