thus making me awesome and them whores
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
