Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Randomize
