I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
