Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize