i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
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