how can u be prego again
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
