Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
