Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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