Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
