Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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