is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
