I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
