I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
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