Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
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