Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Randomize
