So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
