girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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