My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Randomize