Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
