she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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