So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
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