what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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