you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
