Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
