Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Randomize
