remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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