What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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