So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
