I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
