that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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