Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
