Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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