I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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