i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
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