is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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