i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize