she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
