Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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