i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
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