I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
