New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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