it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Randomize
