the condom got lost in my hair
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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