I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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