she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I can't put those talents on a resume
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
What happened to fro yo and sex?
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
