I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
