tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
