I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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