I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
