Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
