I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
You made out with two different species that night
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
