i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
